you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
