I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
