Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
