Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
