We won't sleep together?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
