I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
