he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
