Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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