girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
pray to the hookup gods
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
