this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
