So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
