is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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