Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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