The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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