PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
