can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize