Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
