i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would punch a child for taco bell
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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