i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
