I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
