You work out of a Hotel?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
