I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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