bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
