Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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