in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
