I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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