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She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im part way to drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
