My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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