dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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