i think i have two assholes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
