One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
