so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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