I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
