She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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