My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
