i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
