Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
