Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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