I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
