If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
