too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
