it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
