...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
