I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
