Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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