I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
