Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
