Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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