I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
