can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
