I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
