she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
