so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
