I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
