The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
